Fic: I are a Grammatur [Huang/Stabler] "Law and Order: SVU"

[perpetual_motion]

Title: I are a Grammatur
Author: Perpetual Motion
Fandom: Law and Order: SVU
Pairing: Huang/Stabler
Rating: PG
Summary: This is me blatantly ignoring the critique that is now overdue.
Archive: My site, WWOMB, anyone else who asks prettily.

Disclaimer: Belongs to the demi-God that is Dick Wolf. He rules.

Author's Notes: I've spent this semester critiquing the *worst* stories I've ever read in my life. It's time to give back some of the pain. Elliot's gripes are my gripes, but I think they're also pretty universal. For michellek, miriam_heddy, julianlee, and eal, who have all felt my pain.



I are a Grammatur
By Perpetual Motion

Elliot was, he liked to believe, a pretty tough guy. He'd made it through the Marines. He'd made it through the police academy. He worked sex crimes everyday. He'd gotten through his divorce without breaking any of the wedding china, and he'd taken the massive shit that came with falling for an FBI agent. A *male* FBI agent.

But even he had his limit.

"This is the worst thing I've ever read." He slashed a green line through half a paragraph of exposition and scribbled 'to much info' in the margin. "And I'm even putting it up against that train wreck of a story I had to work on last week."

George walked across the room from the bookcase and sat next to Elliot on the couch. "What's the problem with this one?"

"No commas, no indentions, the wrong use of the forms of 'there' and 'your' and 'its', and he didn't space like the syllabus stated. You're supposed to double-space, not single space. I can't write all my comments in if it's single space."

"Maybe that's why he did it." George shook his head at the peeved look Elliot gave him. "Nothing against your comments. I'm just thinking that maybe he doesn't want comments at all, so he 'accidentally' spaced his paper incorrectly."

"Passive-Aggresive?"

George shrugged. "Maybe."

Elliot laughed. "Is everything a potential psychological problem to you?"

George laughed with him. "I wonder sometimes." He slid his arm over Elliot's and pointed to the bottom of the page. "That's misspelled."

"It's not the only word, believe me." Elliot circled the word and wrote in 'sp' in the tiny space above it that single-spacing offered. "What's it take to at least run spellcheck before deciding a story is done?"

"Some people forget."

"Some people are idiots."

George let the comment lie and opened his book. He listened with half an ear when Elliot grumbled under his breath and scribbled something on the story. He knew it was more than the critiquing responsibilites that were bothering Elliot, but he also knew better than to push on the subject. Elliot would talk when he was ready.

"You know what really bugs me?"

Apparently, he was ready. George marked his place in his book and closed it. "I could start a list, but I think you're speaking in specifics."

Elliot shook his head. "I don't understand how these kids could get up into a higher-level English course without learning a few basic facts about grammar and sentence structure." He tapped his pen on the sheaf of papers in his lap. "And they don't know how to critique. They just sit there and talk about what a nice little story everyone writes, and I feel like the dirty old man in the corner who has to rain on their parade and tell them all the problems in the stories."

"You feel like the bearer of bad news."

"Yeah." Elliot rubbed a hand over his face. "And I don't want to do that, but I feel like someone has to do it."

George nodded. "Okay." He watched Elliot watch him for a few seconds. "So you feel like it's your duty to let the others know where their having problems in their work?"

"I wouldn't say 'duty'."

"Why not?"

"Because that leads us down a whole new road where we'll discuss my need to always help people and shoulder their burden, and we had that discussion last night." Elliot gave George a look. "And I know that was where you were going."

"Maybe." George shrugged. "Or maybe I was just going to remind you that just because you're older than everyone else in the room does not make you some sort of 'dirty old man' or dream-crushing bastard. You're supposed to give an honest critique, and that's what you're doing."

"I guess." Elliott looked back down at the story in his lap. The page he'd been working on was nearly covered in green ink. "I just want to help them improve, I guess. Some of the stories have been *awful*, but I listen to these kids talk about them, and I can tell that they *do* want to improve. At least, I think they do."

"Kind of like you think going back to school for a degree will help you improve?"

"Maybe. I don't know." Elliot tossed the story onto the coffee table and leaned his head back. "It's the only thing I haven't done, you know? I went into the Marines. I came out and went to the academy. I started on the force. The only thing I never did was go to college, and as much as I lecture the kids about it, it felt like maybe I should stand up and be an example."

George reached a hand out and placed it on top of Elliot's head. "Is this about the yelling match you and Maureen had last week?"

"Partly, I guess." Elliot grimaced to think of the fight. He had been helping Maureen with a term paper for her History class, and she'd gotten angry when he'd tried to argue for deleting a half-page of her work. It had ended with her yelling that just because he'd 'finally gotten around to taking some stupid college class' he didn't have a right to tell her how to write her papers. "Was I being to pushy?"

"No. You were giving her the help she asked for. She because she blew up doesn't mean you did it wrong. It's mid-term season. She probably hasn't been sleeping or eating properly, and that can cause some unpredictable behaviors."

Elliot chuckled. "Thank you, Dr. Huang."

George grinned and was happy to see Elliot open his eyes and not look quite so defeated. "You're welcome. We'll consider this a free session."

Elliot leaned over and kissed George quickly. "Really, thanks." He leaned over to the coffee table and picked up the story. "If I try to get up before I finish breaking this down, duct tape me."

George picked up his book and swung around so his feet were in Elliot's lap. "I think I can overpower you if needed."

"Sure." Elliot's tone was midly disbelieving as he flipped the story to the next page and uncapped his pen.

George read his book to Elliot's mutters and the scratching of the pen.

Comments

[hobbit-feet.livejournal.com]

SQUEE!

Elliot/Huang! And Elliot critiquing stories! And overall slashiness and correcting of grammar! Wow. My week has been spectacularly crummy and this made it so much better.

-The Lurker

[falloh8.livejournal.com]

I love this couple and I LOVE how you write them!
So great. :)