![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
perpetual_motionTitle: The End of Forever
Author: Perpetual Motion
Fandom: Firefly
Pairing: Withheld because it’d give away the spoiler.
Spoilers: Huge spoiler for “Serenity” the movie. Do not read if you haven’t seen the movie.
Rating: PG
Summary: Afterwards, the part we didn’t see.
Dis: Not mine. Joss’s. Who did a wonderful job bringing it all together for the movie.
Author’s Notes: There is a huge freakin’ spoiler for the movie in here. If you haven’t seen it and you read this, I’m not to blame for your own inability to heed a warning.
The End of Forever
By Perpetual Motion
When she tries to clear her quarters of everything that was Wash, Kaylee blocks her from leaving. “You know you don’t wanna do that.” She stays in the hatch and refuses to move, even when Zoe quietly threatens to remove her by force. “We’ll be here on this planet for a good piece of time. Even if you throw it out, it’ll find its way back here.”
“I don’t want it here.”
“You do. You just don’t know it.” Kaylee takes a step into the room and gives Zoe a watery smile. “You don’t wanna look at it a while, that’s fine. I wouldn’t mind holdin’ a few things for you.”
And suddenly, fiercely, Zoe wants to keep every last thing of Wash as close to her as possible. She supposes it’s exactly what Kaylee was trying to do. “You want one of his shirts? You’ve always liked them best.”
Kaylee walks over to the cupboard where the clothes are hung and looks at all the shirts. They’re red and orange and yellow and green and blue and purple and all the pretty colors that Kaylee remembers from back home when the flowers were blooming. She smiles again, sadly, and remembers Wash’s promise to take her in a manly fashion were he not married. She pulls down a red and yellow one with bright white flowers and carries it over to Zoe like the most precious thing she’s ever found. “Can I keep this one awhile? Always liked it.”
Zoe touches the tips of her fingers to one of the flowers and remembers the first time Wash asked her to dance. He’d been in that shirt, and they’d been in the mess, and he’d been humming something tuneless and cheerful all through dinner. When he’s jumped up and bowed, Mal had rolled his eyes and Zoe had surprised herself by accepting his hand. It’d been a clumsy, loopy dance around the table, and it had made Zoe laugh. Wash had made Zoe laugh. He’d always been so damned happy. “Go ahead.” She pulls her fingers away and brushes them on her trousers. “He’d be glad you had it.”
“Thank you.” Kaylee takes a step back, holding the shirt carefully, and looks like she’s not quite sure what to do. “Never lost someone I loved. If I’m actin’ wrong, you can tell me.”
And that breaks Zoe’s heart all over again. Kaylee, sweet Kaylee, has lost the only person on the ship whose unabandoned love of everything came even close to matching hers. Before Zoe even knows what she’s doing, she’s taken the step and pulled Kaylee into a hug. “You’re doin’ fine.” She pulls away, straightens Kaylee’s shoulders with her palms, and gives her the best smile she can find. “You’re doin’ just fine.” The smile Kaylee gives her is open and relieved and so incredibly reminiscent of Wash when he proposed and Zoe said yes. He’d dropped to his knees, hugged her around the thighs, and promised her Hawaiian shirts, plastic dinosaurs, and Balinese shadow puppets for as long as she’d keep him around. The thought makes Zoe ache through her whole body and she pulls away from Kaylee to sit on the bed.
“Zoe?”
“He-“ she cuts herself off and watches her hands clench into fists on her thighs. “I’m the warrior woman. I was supposed to die first.” In her mind she remembers one blissful night when he gave her a eulogy, made her giggle with his description of ‘corpsified and gross’. Remembers the way he turned her over and woke her from her half-sleep with a kiss to her collarbone and promised, again, to keep her in shadow puppets for as long as she’d have him. She wasn’t done having him. Still wants him to come down the hatch with a smile and a joke, his shirt garish and his mouth warm and bright against hers. “I miss him.” She doesn’t look up from her hands, but she feels the bed shift when Kaylee sits down. They sit in total silence until Kaylee puts the shirt on Zoe’s lap. And then Zoe’s crying, hard and quiet and so incredibly painful, and before she can ask, Kaylee’s standing and walking to the hatch.
“I gotta check the engine, make sure everything stayed together with the landing.” Kaylee’s voice is shaky but bright. She’s trying so hard to be cheerful until she can get away and curl under her engine and find an outlet for her own grief. “I see the others, I’ll tell ‘em you’re busy.”
And Zoe almost stops her and tells her no. Wants to tell her that she’ll be fine in just a minute. But Wash’s voice, exasperated, rings in the back of her head, an old argument about her lack of taking care of herself. She remembers the way he always ran his fingers over her hair when he said it, the way he cupped her face, and she lets Kaylee close the hatch behind her while she curls up on the bed with his bright shirt and cries for the loss of Wash, who she would have kept forever.
Author: Perpetual Motion
Fandom: Firefly
Pairing: Withheld because it’d give away the spoiler.
Spoilers: Huge spoiler for “Serenity” the movie. Do not read if you haven’t seen the movie.
Rating: PG
Summary: Afterwards, the part we didn’t see.
Dis: Not mine. Joss’s. Who did a wonderful job bringing it all together for the movie.
Author’s Notes: There is a huge freakin’ spoiler for the movie in here. If you haven’t seen it and you read this, I’m not to blame for your own inability to heed a warning.
The End of Forever
By Perpetual Motion
When she tries to clear her quarters of everything that was Wash, Kaylee blocks her from leaving. “You know you don’t wanna do that.” She stays in the hatch and refuses to move, even when Zoe quietly threatens to remove her by force. “We’ll be here on this planet for a good piece of time. Even if you throw it out, it’ll find its way back here.”
“I don’t want it here.”
“You do. You just don’t know it.” Kaylee takes a step into the room and gives Zoe a watery smile. “You don’t wanna look at it a while, that’s fine. I wouldn’t mind holdin’ a few things for you.”
And suddenly, fiercely, Zoe wants to keep every last thing of Wash as close to her as possible. She supposes it’s exactly what Kaylee was trying to do. “You want one of his shirts? You’ve always liked them best.”
Kaylee walks over to the cupboard where the clothes are hung and looks at all the shirts. They’re red and orange and yellow and green and blue and purple and all the pretty colors that Kaylee remembers from back home when the flowers were blooming. She smiles again, sadly, and remembers Wash’s promise to take her in a manly fashion were he not married. She pulls down a red and yellow one with bright white flowers and carries it over to Zoe like the most precious thing she’s ever found. “Can I keep this one awhile? Always liked it.”
Zoe touches the tips of her fingers to one of the flowers and remembers the first time Wash asked her to dance. He’d been in that shirt, and they’d been in the mess, and he’d been humming something tuneless and cheerful all through dinner. When he’s jumped up and bowed, Mal had rolled his eyes and Zoe had surprised herself by accepting his hand. It’d been a clumsy, loopy dance around the table, and it had made Zoe laugh. Wash had made Zoe laugh. He’d always been so damned happy. “Go ahead.” She pulls her fingers away and brushes them on her trousers. “He’d be glad you had it.”
“Thank you.” Kaylee takes a step back, holding the shirt carefully, and looks like she’s not quite sure what to do. “Never lost someone I loved. If I’m actin’ wrong, you can tell me.”
And that breaks Zoe’s heart all over again. Kaylee, sweet Kaylee, has lost the only person on the ship whose unabandoned love of everything came even close to matching hers. Before Zoe even knows what she’s doing, she’s taken the step and pulled Kaylee into a hug. “You’re doin’ fine.” She pulls away, straightens Kaylee’s shoulders with her palms, and gives her the best smile she can find. “You’re doin’ just fine.” The smile Kaylee gives her is open and relieved and so incredibly reminiscent of Wash when he proposed and Zoe said yes. He’d dropped to his knees, hugged her around the thighs, and promised her Hawaiian shirts, plastic dinosaurs, and Balinese shadow puppets for as long as she’d keep him around. The thought makes Zoe ache through her whole body and she pulls away from Kaylee to sit on the bed.
“Zoe?”
“He-“ she cuts herself off and watches her hands clench into fists on her thighs. “I’m the warrior woman. I was supposed to die first.” In her mind she remembers one blissful night when he gave her a eulogy, made her giggle with his description of ‘corpsified and gross’. Remembers the way he turned her over and woke her from her half-sleep with a kiss to her collarbone and promised, again, to keep her in shadow puppets for as long as she’d have him. She wasn’t done having him. Still wants him to come down the hatch with a smile and a joke, his shirt garish and his mouth warm and bright against hers. “I miss him.” She doesn’t look up from her hands, but she feels the bed shift when Kaylee sits down. They sit in total silence until Kaylee puts the shirt on Zoe’s lap. And then Zoe’s crying, hard and quiet and so incredibly painful, and before she can ask, Kaylee’s standing and walking to the hatch.
“I gotta check the engine, make sure everything stayed together with the landing.” Kaylee’s voice is shaky but bright. She’s trying so hard to be cheerful until she can get away and curl under her engine and find an outlet for her own grief. “I see the others, I’ll tell ‘em you’re busy.”
And Zoe almost stops her and tells her no. Wants to tell her that she’ll be fine in just a minute. But Wash’s voice, exasperated, rings in the back of her head, an old argument about her lack of taking care of herself. She remembers the way he always ran his fingers over her hair when he said it, the way he cupped her face, and she lets Kaylee close the hatch behind her while she curls up on the bed with his bright shirt and cries for the loss of Wash, who she would have kept forever.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
on 2005-10-06 11:13 pm (UTC)Fantastic fic. It really is.
Don't mind me, I'm just going to go over here and cry for a while.
no subject
on 2005-10-06 11:16 pm (UTC)There you go.
::tucks you in::
no subject
on 2005-10-07 01:50 pm (UTC)The dance around the table? That is so very perfect and it kills me ded. And the last line, sob.
no subject
on 2005-10-07 02:59 pm (UTC)I think it's utterly unfair that everytime you read one of my angsty pieces you use your Broken!Jack icon. It's terribly mean, really.
But I love you no matter.
no subject
on 2005-10-07 11:02 pm (UTC)I swear to GOD I will have the beta thing for you. Eventualy. Um.
no subject
on 2005-10-07 11:52 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2005-10-11 01:51 am (UTC)My heart is broken into a kazillion pieces and I'm seriously about to cry.
*sniffs*