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perpetual_motionI would like to mail Stephanie Meyer an entire case of Elements of Style by Strunk and White.
Barring that, I would like to hire a skywriter to spell out rules 5 and 6 in ten-foot high letters over Meyer's house:
5. Use definite, specific, concrete language.
6. Omit needless words.
And why does she need to see rules 5 and 6? How about this:
It was a faded red color
Oh, thank goodness she specified that a truck was a faded red color. I was worried there'd been an outbreak of faded red penguins. Or monkeys. Or flowers.
And then I would explain to her that Bella Swan is a twat. For proof, I would point out that Ms. Swan apparently fancies herself so damned important that, when overhearing Edward asking to be moved to a different Bio class, she immediately assumes it has everything to do with her. Because, when she sat next to him and kept looking at him, he was tense.
Or maybe he can smell crazy, you self-absorbed bint.
And, yes, I'm aware that I changed direction in terms of my ire, but as Meyer can't seem to decide if Bella is telling her story in the past or the present--and got her book published anyway--the direction of my ire is really the lesser of the problems.
Barring that, I would like to hire a skywriter to spell out rules 5 and 6 in ten-foot high letters over Meyer's house:
5. Use definite, specific, concrete language.
6. Omit needless words.
And why does she need to see rules 5 and 6? How about this:
It was a faded red color
Oh, thank goodness she specified that a truck was a faded red color. I was worried there'd been an outbreak of faded red penguins. Or monkeys. Or flowers.
And then I would explain to her that Bella Swan is a twat. For proof, I would point out that Ms. Swan apparently fancies herself so damned important that, when overhearing Edward asking to be moved to a different Bio class, she immediately assumes it has everything to do with her. Because, when she sat next to him and kept looking at him, he was tense.
Or maybe he can smell crazy, you self-absorbed bint.
And, yes, I'm aware that I changed direction in terms of my ire, but as Meyer can't seem to decide if Bella is telling her story in the past or the present--and got her book published anyway--the direction of my ire is really the lesser of the problems.
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on 2009-02-10 07:07 pm (UTC)I think Stephen King nailed it.
I couldn't get past the first few pages of that dreck. Not even for a vampire. I'd rather read Buffy fanfic.
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on 2009-02-10 08:18 pm (UTC)And I'm very, very slowly reading chapter two. MY EYES. Dear god. MY EYES.
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on 2009-02-10 07:14 pm (UTC)Mainly because I could have written shit like that and be rich now... And I'm not. WTF?!?!
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on 2009-02-10 08:19 pm (UTC)God, it gets worse. Right at the beginning of chapter two she goes from past tense to future tense IN THE SAME SENTENCE.
It wasn't raining, yet.
HOW THE HELL.
no subject
on 2009-02-12 06:43 am (UTC)no subject
on 2009-02-12 06:53 am (UTC)