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perpetual_motionYeah, more Twilight. It's a train wreck, and I can't stop watching the cars pile up.
I jumped up to look outside, and then groaned in horror.
Dead body? House on fire? Two people acting like they’re sane? Not even close:
A fine layer of snow covered the yard, dusted the top of my truck, and whitened the road. But that wasn't the worst part. All the rain from yesterday had frozen solid — coating the needles on the trees in fantastic, gorgeous patterns, and making the driveway a deadly ice slick.
SNOW AND ICE. OMG. HOW WILL THE DELICATE FLOWER HANDLE IT.
I felt excited to go to school, and that scared me.
Because actual human emotions are a terrible, terrible thing.
I knew I was eager to get to school because I would see Edward Cullen. And that was very, very stupid.
She says it. Bet she doesn’t actually HEAR it, though.
Okay, now I’m just listing all the things that Bella says about Edward in less than a page:
I should be avoiding him entirely after my brainless and embarrassing babbling yesterday.
And I was suspicious of him
I was still frightened of the hostility I sometimes felt emanating from him,
I was well aware that my league and his league were spheres that did not touch. So I shouldn't be at all anxious to see him today.
Let’s see what we’ve got:
--Oh, look, the WOMAN shouldn’t be speaking!
--COV! [Drink!]
--COV! [Drink!]
--Self-loathing!
Quite the trifecta our dear Bella’s set up for us, yeah? What a role model. Are you taking notes?
I distracted myself from my fear of falling and my unwanted speculations about Edward Cullen by thinking about Mike and Eric, and the obvious difference in how teenage boys responded to me here. I was sure I looked exactly the same as I had in Phoenix. Maybe it was just that the boys back home had watched me pass slowly through all the awkward phases of adolescence and still thought of me that way. Perhaps it was because I was a novelty here, where novelties were few and far between. Possibly my crippling clumsiness was seen as endearing rather than pathetic, casting me as a damsel in distress. Whatever the reason, Mike's puppy dog behavior and Eric's apparent rivalry with him were disconcerting. I wasn't sure if I didn't prefer being ignored.
Read it again. Right now. I’m not kidding. READ IT AGAIN. THIS IS THE MESSGAE THAT MILLIONS OF WOMEN HAVE INTERNALIZED FROM THESE BOOKS. If boys ever see you being awkward, they don’t want you. If boys are paying attention to you, it’s because of your LOOKS. It’s okay to be a NOVELTY. It’s okay to be a damsel in distress because A MAN WILL SAVE YOU.
My truck seemed to have no problem with the black ice that covered the roads.
This is a mechanical and weather bit of bitchery here:
First, the opening "description" of this chapter tells us that Bella can see that it's snowy and icy outside. Where is the fear of black ice? THERE'S ALREADY ICE. Second, no matter how good the condition of her 1950s truck, there’s no way it had NO PROBLEMS with the ice. It’s a truck from the 1950s. Are you out of your goddamned mind, Meyer?
There were thin chains crisscrossed in diamond shapes around them [her tires]. Charlie had gotten up who knows how early to put snow chains on my truck. My throat suddenly felt tight. I wasn't used to being taken care of, and Charlie's unspoken concern caught me by surprise.
Ah, okay, that explains the truck handling. Kind of. HOWEVER. What the hell does she mean “not used to being taken care of”. Hey, Bella, have you met YOU?
Okay, so then there’s the scene where Edward saves Bella from getting hit by a van, and I’m not gonna quote the description. Because it’s THAT BAD. Okay, fine, one quote:
something was dragging me, swinging my legs around like a rag doll's, till they hit the tire of the tan car.
And what about the rest of your body, Bella? Were you SLICED IN HALF? Actually, that’d be badass. Because then she’d be dead. And the book would be over.
"Be careful," he warned as I struggled. "I think you hit your head pretty hard."
I became aware of a throbbing ache centered above my left ear. "Ow," I said, surprised.
"That's what I thought." His voice, amazingly, sounded like he was suppressing laughter.
That’s right. Edward thinks is FUNNY that Bella is injured BECAUSE OF HIM. Good show, buddy. Good show. [CoV, by the by. Drink!]
I turned to sit up, and this time he let me
Let her. LET HER. If there weren’t a list of quotes that backed the idea of this, I probably would have seen this moment as kind of sweet. But, as this is “Twilight”: CoV. Drink!
I could hear the gruffer voices of adults arriving on the scene.
Just so we’re clear, “gruffer” does not have a companion word. “Gruffer” is the adjective Stephanie Meyer chose to use to describe adult voices all by themselves. There was no one in this scene with a voice described as “gruff”, but the adults had voices that were “gruffer”.
But I obstinately held on to our argument; I was right, and he was going to admit it.
Two points here:
To hold onto your opinion and believe in it is OBSTINATE. SILLY WOMEN.
Secondly, the chaos around them? GUY POSSIBLY DEAD IN A VAN.
It took six EMTs and two teachers — Mr. Varner and Coach Clapp — to shift the van far enough away from us to bring the stretchers in. Edward vehemently refused his, and I tried to do the same, but the traitor told them I'd hit my head and probably had a concussion. I almost died of humiliation when they put on the neck brace.
Okay, this time, Bella is just a complete idiot. She won’t go to the hospital when she POSSIBLY HAS A CONCUSSION, and it’s EMBARASSING to be in a neck brace. Make a note, ladies: Seeking medical attention is UNCOOL.
To make matters worse, Chief Swan arrived before they could get me safely away.
Chief Swan is her FATHER. That’s right. Apparently, in Meyer’s head, when you spot your father [who Bella usually refers to as ‘Charlie’] showing up after an accident, you think of him BY HIS TITLE.
"I'm completely fine, Char — Dad," I sighed. "There's nothing wrong with me."
Except, you know, the POSSIBLE CONCUSSION. They should have opened the book with the concussion. It could have served as an explanation to the complete waste of space between Bella’s ears.
I tried to think of a logical solution that could explain what I had just seen — a solution that excluded the assumption that I was insane.
Stupidity? Uselessness? Hell, I’m being narrow-minded. It could be both.
And then there are two paragraphs about how BOGUS it is to have people see you getting NECESSARY MEDICAL TREATMENT at a hospital. Is there some sect of Mormonism that doesn’t believe in medical treatment? Or does Meyer just think medical treatment makes you a loser?
I knew I wasn't crazy. What had happened? There was no way to explain away what I'd seen.
Really? Because coming up with an explanation for things is, believe it or not, EXPLAINING HOW SOMETHING HAPPENED. And what is Bella doing? Trying to find a way to EXPLAIN things.
The following paragraph contained so much worth snarking, I cut in between sentences:
They wheeled me away then, to X-ray my head. I told them there was nothing wrong,
Can’t have anything wrong when there’s nothing there to see in the first place.
And I was right. Not even a concussion.
That’s right, folks: Trust your personal opinion on your own health and NEVER TRUST A DOCTOR.
I asked if I could leave, but the nurse said I had to talk to a doctor first. So I was trapped in the ER, waiting, harassed by Tyler's constant apologies and promises to make it up to me.
The guy who almost accidentally hits her tries to apologize and feels bad for nearly hitting her, and his apologies are HARASSMENT. HARASSMENT.
No matter how many times I tried to convince him I was fine, he continued to torment himself.
Because nearly hitting the specialist snowflake of all the snowflakes is such a terrible crime that you can’t let it go SHORTLY AFTER THE EVENT WHILE SHARING SPACE WITH THE SNOWFLAKE IN THE HOSPITAL. How DARE Tyler feel bed. His mere presence is BOTHERING her. Can’t he SEE that?
Edward to Tyler--who almost hit Bella with his van: "No blood, no foul,"
Tyler? BLEEDING. A LOT. So, apparently, Tyler’s silly human blood is inconsequential because Bella’s NOT bleeding.
He was young, he was blond… and he was handsomer than any movie star I'd ever seen. He was pale, though, and tired-looking, with circles under his eyes. From Charlie's description, this had to be Edward's father.
Let’s remember, in Chapter 2, Charlie made comment to the handsomeness of Dr. Cullen, and now Bella’s saying he’s the most handsome dude she’s ever seen. Cullen and Charlie? Probably seen each other naked. And what the fuck is with the ellipse?
The doctor's cool fingers probed lightly along my skull. He noticed when I winced.
"Tender?" he asked.
"Not really." I'd had worse.
Um…the hell? There’s been no mention from Bella about any sort of head injury that would hurt more than SMACKING HER HEAD ON THE PAVEMENT AND NEARLY GETTING A CONCUSSION. Is this supposed to make her a badass? This is a girl who doesn’t want to get hit by a VOLLEYBALL.
I heard a chuckle, and looked over to see Edward's patronizing smile.
You know, in this case, I think Meyer got her adjective right. Patronizing is EXACLTY how this entire thing feels. And, ladies, don’t forget to note that the love of your life should PATRONIZE you, or he’s just not worth your time.
"Can't I go back to school?" I asked, imagining Charlie trying to be attentive.
"Maybe you should take it easy today."
I glanced at Edward. "Does he get to go to school?"
"Someone has to spread the good news that we survived," Edward said smugly.
"Actually," Dr. Cullen corrected, "most of the school seems to be in the waiting room."
Five bucks says that most of the school is there not because of Tyler, their long-time classmate, but because the special snowflake got a bruise, and OMG TRAGIC.
No need to tell him my balance problems had nothing to do with hitting my head.
Yup. Dudes totally dig extremely clumsy, self-hating women. ARE YOU TAKING NOTES?
"I'm afraid that you'll have to stay with us just a little bit longer," [the doctor] said to Tyler, and began checking his cuts.
Please take a moment to realize that the person with more severe injuries—Tyler—got checked out by the doctor SECOND. Bella is so terribly important and notable that her NON-CONCUSSION HEAD INJURY gets attention before the GUY WHO IS BLEEDING.
"I'd like to speak with you alone, if you don't mind," I pressed.
He glared, and then turned his back and strode down the long room. I nearly had to run to keep up. As soon as we turned the corner into a short hallway, he spun around to face me.
"What do you want?" he asked, sounding annoyed. His eyes were cold.
His unfriendliness intimidated me. My words came out with less severity than I'd intended. "You owe me an explanation," I reminded him.
"I saved your life — I don't owe you anything."
I flinched back from the resentment in his voice.
And if you look over this next hill, ladies and gentlemen, you’ll see the CoV! Drink!
I could hear how crazy it sounded, and I couldn't continue. I was so mad I could feel the tears coming; I tried to force them back by grinding my teeth together.
Telling the truth and feeling that you’re doing something wrong? Yup. Cycle of Violence.
"Nobody will believe that, you know." His voice held an edge of derision now.
"I'm not going to tell anybody." I said each word slowly, carefully controlling my anger.
If this doesn’t sound like a conversation between a rapist and a victim, there is something wrong with your brain. Perhaps you have Bella’s brain. Which is to say, you don’t have a brain at all.
We scowled at each other in silence. I was the first to speak, trying to keep myself focused. I was in danger of being distracted by his livid, glorious face. It was like trying to stare down a destroying angel.
Take notes: TEH PRETTEH makes you STUPID. But only if it’s a handsome boy. And then it’s okay.
"Why did you even bother?" I asked frigidly.
He paused, and for a brief moment his stunning face was unexpectedly vulnerable. "I don't know," he whispered.
Why did he bother saving her life? He doesn’t know. And that makes him VULNERABLE. He doesn’t need basic human decency or anything resembling an explanation for his actions; he’s HANDSOME.
When we got to the house, Charlie finally spoke.
"Um… you'll need to call Renée." He hung his head, guilty.
I was appalled. "You told Mom!"
"Sorry."
I slammed the cruiser's door a little harder than necessary on my way out.
Bella is so right here. What kind of FATHER calls a girl’s MOTHER when the girl is almost SMASHED BY A VAN. How could you, Charlie?! You’re not supposed to PARENT. God. Take notes, you stupid man.
And more than a little obsessed by Edward himself. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I wasn't as eager to escape Forks as I should be, as any normal, sane person would be.
Because he’s a handsome boy that won’t answer her questions. That’s ALWAYS the sign of a guy who’ll treat you right. And, Bella, sweetie, you can keep making a point of saying you’re not normal, but that doesn’t make you INTERESTING. Meyer? TAKE NOTES.
And an extra point for the small town hatred. Because, MY GOD. What kind of losers LIVE IN SMALL TOWNS?
Answer? EDWARD.
I decided I might as well go to bed early that night. Charlie continued to watch me anxiously, and it was getting on my nerves. I stopped on my way to grab three Tylenol from the bathroom. They did help, and, as the pain eased, I drifted to sleep.
God, Charlie, stop WATCHING HER. You’re acting so FATHERLY. And that means Bella’s NORMAL. And she can’t be NORMAL. She’s the specialist snowflake EVAH.
And, to end the chapter, a grammar note: Where the fuck are you going Bella? “I stopped on my way to grab three Tylenol from the bathroom.” On your way to WHERE?
Thank you. Thank you. Tip your waitresses.
I jumped up to look outside, and then groaned in horror.
Dead body? House on fire? Two people acting like they’re sane? Not even close:
A fine layer of snow covered the yard, dusted the top of my truck, and whitened the road. But that wasn't the worst part. All the rain from yesterday had frozen solid — coating the needles on the trees in fantastic, gorgeous patterns, and making the driveway a deadly ice slick.
SNOW AND ICE. OMG. HOW WILL THE DELICATE FLOWER HANDLE IT.
I felt excited to go to school, and that scared me.
Because actual human emotions are a terrible, terrible thing.
I knew I was eager to get to school because I would see Edward Cullen. And that was very, very stupid.
She says it. Bet she doesn’t actually HEAR it, though.
Okay, now I’m just listing all the things that Bella says about Edward in less than a page:
I should be avoiding him entirely after my brainless and embarrassing babbling yesterday.
And I was suspicious of him
I was still frightened of the hostility I sometimes felt emanating from him,
I was well aware that my league and his league were spheres that did not touch. So I shouldn't be at all anxious to see him today.
Let’s see what we’ve got:
--Oh, look, the WOMAN shouldn’t be speaking!
--COV! [Drink!]
--COV! [Drink!]
--Self-loathing!
Quite the trifecta our dear Bella’s set up for us, yeah? What a role model. Are you taking notes?
I distracted myself from my fear of falling and my unwanted speculations about Edward Cullen by thinking about Mike and Eric, and the obvious difference in how teenage boys responded to me here. I was sure I looked exactly the same as I had in Phoenix. Maybe it was just that the boys back home had watched me pass slowly through all the awkward phases of adolescence and still thought of me that way. Perhaps it was because I was a novelty here, where novelties were few and far between. Possibly my crippling clumsiness was seen as endearing rather than pathetic, casting me as a damsel in distress. Whatever the reason, Mike's puppy dog behavior and Eric's apparent rivalry with him were disconcerting. I wasn't sure if I didn't prefer being ignored.
Read it again. Right now. I’m not kidding. READ IT AGAIN. THIS IS THE MESSGAE THAT MILLIONS OF WOMEN HAVE INTERNALIZED FROM THESE BOOKS. If boys ever see you being awkward, they don’t want you. If boys are paying attention to you, it’s because of your LOOKS. It’s okay to be a NOVELTY. It’s okay to be a damsel in distress because A MAN WILL SAVE YOU.
My truck seemed to have no problem with the black ice that covered the roads.
This is a mechanical and weather bit of bitchery here:
First, the opening "description" of this chapter tells us that Bella can see that it's snowy and icy outside. Where is the fear of black ice? THERE'S ALREADY ICE. Second, no matter how good the condition of her 1950s truck, there’s no way it had NO PROBLEMS with the ice. It’s a truck from the 1950s. Are you out of your goddamned mind, Meyer?
There were thin chains crisscrossed in diamond shapes around them [her tires]. Charlie had gotten up who knows how early to put snow chains on my truck. My throat suddenly felt tight. I wasn't used to being taken care of, and Charlie's unspoken concern caught me by surprise.
Ah, okay, that explains the truck handling. Kind of. HOWEVER. What the hell does she mean “not used to being taken care of”. Hey, Bella, have you met YOU?
Okay, so then there’s the scene where Edward saves Bella from getting hit by a van, and I’m not gonna quote the description. Because it’s THAT BAD. Okay, fine, one quote:
something was dragging me, swinging my legs around like a rag doll's, till they hit the tire of the tan car.
And what about the rest of your body, Bella? Were you SLICED IN HALF? Actually, that’d be badass. Because then she’d be dead. And the book would be over.
"Be careful," he warned as I struggled. "I think you hit your head pretty hard."
I became aware of a throbbing ache centered above my left ear. "Ow," I said, surprised.
"That's what I thought." His voice, amazingly, sounded like he was suppressing laughter.
That’s right. Edward thinks is FUNNY that Bella is injured BECAUSE OF HIM. Good show, buddy. Good show. [CoV, by the by. Drink!]
I turned to sit up, and this time he let me
Let her. LET HER. If there weren’t a list of quotes that backed the idea of this, I probably would have seen this moment as kind of sweet. But, as this is “Twilight”: CoV. Drink!
I could hear the gruffer voices of adults arriving on the scene.
Just so we’re clear, “gruffer” does not have a companion word. “Gruffer” is the adjective Stephanie Meyer chose to use to describe adult voices all by themselves. There was no one in this scene with a voice described as “gruff”, but the adults had voices that were “gruffer”.
But I obstinately held on to our argument; I was right, and he was going to admit it.
Two points here:
To hold onto your opinion and believe in it is OBSTINATE. SILLY WOMEN.
Secondly, the chaos around them? GUY POSSIBLY DEAD IN A VAN.
It took six EMTs and two teachers — Mr. Varner and Coach Clapp — to shift the van far enough away from us to bring the stretchers in. Edward vehemently refused his, and I tried to do the same, but the traitor told them I'd hit my head and probably had a concussion. I almost died of humiliation when they put on the neck brace.
Okay, this time, Bella is just a complete idiot. She won’t go to the hospital when she POSSIBLY HAS A CONCUSSION, and it’s EMBARASSING to be in a neck brace. Make a note, ladies: Seeking medical attention is UNCOOL.
To make matters worse, Chief Swan arrived before they could get me safely away.
Chief Swan is her FATHER. That’s right. Apparently, in Meyer’s head, when you spot your father [who Bella usually refers to as ‘Charlie’] showing up after an accident, you think of him BY HIS TITLE.
"I'm completely fine, Char — Dad," I sighed. "There's nothing wrong with me."
Except, you know, the POSSIBLE CONCUSSION. They should have opened the book with the concussion. It could have served as an explanation to the complete waste of space between Bella’s ears.
I tried to think of a logical solution that could explain what I had just seen — a solution that excluded the assumption that I was insane.
Stupidity? Uselessness? Hell, I’m being narrow-minded. It could be both.
And then there are two paragraphs about how BOGUS it is to have people see you getting NECESSARY MEDICAL TREATMENT at a hospital. Is there some sect of Mormonism that doesn’t believe in medical treatment? Or does Meyer just think medical treatment makes you a loser?
I knew I wasn't crazy. What had happened? There was no way to explain away what I'd seen.
Really? Because coming up with an explanation for things is, believe it or not, EXPLAINING HOW SOMETHING HAPPENED. And what is Bella doing? Trying to find a way to EXPLAIN things.
The following paragraph contained so much worth snarking, I cut in between sentences:
They wheeled me away then, to X-ray my head. I told them there was nothing wrong,
Can’t have anything wrong when there’s nothing there to see in the first place.
And I was right. Not even a concussion.
That’s right, folks: Trust your personal opinion on your own health and NEVER TRUST A DOCTOR.
I asked if I could leave, but the nurse said I had to talk to a doctor first. So I was trapped in the ER, waiting, harassed by Tyler's constant apologies and promises to make it up to me.
The guy who almost accidentally hits her tries to apologize and feels bad for nearly hitting her, and his apologies are HARASSMENT. HARASSMENT.
No matter how many times I tried to convince him I was fine, he continued to torment himself.
Because nearly hitting the specialist snowflake of all the snowflakes is such a terrible crime that you can’t let it go SHORTLY AFTER THE EVENT WHILE SHARING SPACE WITH THE SNOWFLAKE IN THE HOSPITAL. How DARE Tyler feel bed. His mere presence is BOTHERING her. Can’t he SEE that?
Edward to Tyler--who almost hit Bella with his van: "No blood, no foul,"
Tyler? BLEEDING. A LOT. So, apparently, Tyler’s silly human blood is inconsequential because Bella’s NOT bleeding.
He was young, he was blond… and he was handsomer than any movie star I'd ever seen. He was pale, though, and tired-looking, with circles under his eyes. From Charlie's description, this had to be Edward's father.
Let’s remember, in Chapter 2, Charlie made comment to the handsomeness of Dr. Cullen, and now Bella’s saying he’s the most handsome dude she’s ever seen. Cullen and Charlie? Probably seen each other naked. And what the fuck is with the ellipse?
The doctor's cool fingers probed lightly along my skull. He noticed when I winced.
"Tender?" he asked.
"Not really." I'd had worse.
Um…the hell? There’s been no mention from Bella about any sort of head injury that would hurt more than SMACKING HER HEAD ON THE PAVEMENT AND NEARLY GETTING A CONCUSSION. Is this supposed to make her a badass? This is a girl who doesn’t want to get hit by a VOLLEYBALL.
I heard a chuckle, and looked over to see Edward's patronizing smile.
You know, in this case, I think Meyer got her adjective right. Patronizing is EXACLTY how this entire thing feels. And, ladies, don’t forget to note that the love of your life should PATRONIZE you, or he’s just not worth your time.
"Can't I go back to school?" I asked, imagining Charlie trying to be attentive.
"Maybe you should take it easy today."
I glanced at Edward. "Does he get to go to school?"
"Someone has to spread the good news that we survived," Edward said smugly.
"Actually," Dr. Cullen corrected, "most of the school seems to be in the waiting room."
Five bucks says that most of the school is there not because of Tyler, their long-time classmate, but because the special snowflake got a bruise, and OMG TRAGIC.
No need to tell him my balance problems had nothing to do with hitting my head.
Yup. Dudes totally dig extremely clumsy, self-hating women. ARE YOU TAKING NOTES?
"I'm afraid that you'll have to stay with us just a little bit longer," [the doctor] said to Tyler, and began checking his cuts.
Please take a moment to realize that the person with more severe injuries—Tyler—got checked out by the doctor SECOND. Bella is so terribly important and notable that her NON-CONCUSSION HEAD INJURY gets attention before the GUY WHO IS BLEEDING.
"I'd like to speak with you alone, if you don't mind," I pressed.
He glared, and then turned his back and strode down the long room. I nearly had to run to keep up. As soon as we turned the corner into a short hallway, he spun around to face me.
"What do you want?" he asked, sounding annoyed. His eyes were cold.
His unfriendliness intimidated me. My words came out with less severity than I'd intended. "You owe me an explanation," I reminded him.
"I saved your life — I don't owe you anything."
I flinched back from the resentment in his voice.
And if you look over this next hill, ladies and gentlemen, you’ll see the CoV! Drink!
I could hear how crazy it sounded, and I couldn't continue. I was so mad I could feel the tears coming; I tried to force them back by grinding my teeth together.
Telling the truth and feeling that you’re doing something wrong? Yup. Cycle of Violence.
"Nobody will believe that, you know." His voice held an edge of derision now.
"I'm not going to tell anybody." I said each word slowly, carefully controlling my anger.
If this doesn’t sound like a conversation between a rapist and a victim, there is something wrong with your brain. Perhaps you have Bella’s brain. Which is to say, you don’t have a brain at all.
We scowled at each other in silence. I was the first to speak, trying to keep myself focused. I was in danger of being distracted by his livid, glorious face. It was like trying to stare down a destroying angel.
Take notes: TEH PRETTEH makes you STUPID. But only if it’s a handsome boy. And then it’s okay.
"Why did you even bother?" I asked frigidly.
He paused, and for a brief moment his stunning face was unexpectedly vulnerable. "I don't know," he whispered.
Why did he bother saving her life? He doesn’t know. And that makes him VULNERABLE. He doesn’t need basic human decency or anything resembling an explanation for his actions; he’s HANDSOME.
When we got to the house, Charlie finally spoke.
"Um… you'll need to call Renée." He hung his head, guilty.
I was appalled. "You told Mom!"
"Sorry."
I slammed the cruiser's door a little harder than necessary on my way out.
Bella is so right here. What kind of FATHER calls a girl’s MOTHER when the girl is almost SMASHED BY A VAN. How could you, Charlie?! You’re not supposed to PARENT. God. Take notes, you stupid man.
And more than a little obsessed by Edward himself. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I wasn't as eager to escape Forks as I should be, as any normal, sane person would be.
Because he’s a handsome boy that won’t answer her questions. That’s ALWAYS the sign of a guy who’ll treat you right. And, Bella, sweetie, you can keep making a point of saying you’re not normal, but that doesn’t make you INTERESTING. Meyer? TAKE NOTES.
And an extra point for the small town hatred. Because, MY GOD. What kind of losers LIVE IN SMALL TOWNS?
Answer? EDWARD.
I decided I might as well go to bed early that night. Charlie continued to watch me anxiously, and it was getting on my nerves. I stopped on my way to grab three Tylenol from the bathroom. They did help, and, as the pain eased, I drifted to sleep.
God, Charlie, stop WATCHING HER. You’re acting so FATHERLY. And that means Bella’s NORMAL. And she can’t be NORMAL. She’s the specialist snowflake EVAH.
And, to end the chapter, a grammar note: Where the fuck are you going Bella? “I stopped on my way to grab three Tylenol from the bathroom.” On your way to WHERE?
Thank you. Thank you. Tip your waitresses.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
on 2009-02-12 06:36 am (UTC)no subject
on 2009-02-12 06:51 am (UTC)no subject
on 2009-02-12 06:39 am (UTC)I'm totally snagging my bottle of mead and rereading these tomorrow night... maybe the drinking game will suppress the horror.
no subject
on 2009-02-12 06:52 am (UTC)no subject
on 2009-02-12 06:55 am (UTC)I just imagined her falling asleep right in the bathroom, myself. :D
And yay, more commentary, although I found myself laughing less, and worrying about what kind of message this really sends to the teenage girls. Meep.
no subject
on 2009-02-12 06:41 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2009-02-12 01:41 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2009-02-12 06:42 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2009-02-13 01:13 pm (UTC)Then I realized that means I'd have to buy a copy of the book and read it in the first place. But still. That'd be awesome.
no subject
on 2009-02-13 04:14 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2009-02-12 05:57 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2009-02-12 06:43 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2009-02-12 09:04 pm (UTC)Let me confess that I actually made it through all three books (yes I do not have a life - we had the first snow for christmas in years so I stayed on the Couch for the holidays) - and it does not get any better...but I'am sooo looking forward to your comments...
best Regards
PS: I'm not a native speaker and this is the best grammar lecture I ever had.
"And, to end the chapter, a grammar note: Where the fuck are you going Bella? “I stopped on my way to grab three Tylenol from the bathroom.” On your way to WHERE?"
PPS do come back to Heroes it does actually get better imho
no subject
on 2009-02-12 09:18 pm (UTC)I wonder if part of the issue English grammar is that books like "Twilight" get printed with so many mistakes. There are verb tense issues and overuse of adjectives, and this is a professionally published book series.
I'm probably not going to dip back into Heroes again, but I do have the first couple of seasons for writing fodder, should any ideas come to me. I think the firing of Jeph Loeb [one of my favorite comic writers], and the decision to throw out the rest of his story ideas [he had the thing planned out for five years], piles into a mess that I don't want to watch burn down.