I give up on the following crossovers.

[perpetual_motion]

Any crossover that includes the following combinations must die:

Harry Potter/Charmed
Charmed/Buffy
Charmed/Harry Potter/Buffy
Buffy/Harry Potter

I've seen various attempts at these crossovers over the last year or so, and the thing that strikes me the most is how utterly impossible it seems to find someone who can actually write one *well*. As far as I can tell, the authors with the least ability to stay in character and in universe are the ones attempting these stories.

Perhaps it's wistful thinking, but I thought that writing a crossover between these fandoms would at least be mildly easier than writing crossovers in other fandoms. Rather than having to come up with an excuse to get characters of a different fandom together, a ready-made excuse-magic-sets it up before the story even begins. All that's left is to combine forces to beat Voldemort, The Source, or any of the various demons from Buffy. It would take a little time to make sure all the universes are where they should be, but that's where the beta reader comes into play.

Which brings me to my next issue. How is it that the people who do these massive, multi-chaptered crossovers don't seem to have beta readers? Or, if they do, how are their beta readers so bad? How does a beta reader not catch 'you're' when it should be 'your'? How does a beta reader let the most obviously blatant structure issues slip? This is not a proper paragraph:

"I think I just broke my leg," Xander gasped while trying to sit up. Willow ran over to help him. "Don't move right now. I'll get help." She looked around frantically. "Leo!"

This is how it should look like:

"I think I just broke my leg," Xander gasped while trying to sit up.

Willow ran over to help him. "Don't move right now. I'll get help." She looked around frantically. "Leo!"

If you're a beta reader, and you can't see where the paragraph break should be, you shouldn't be the beta reader, okay?

Also, blatant uncharacteristic behavior without explanation is not allowed. If a character is completely out of character [ie Buffy is evil, Draco is nice, Snape is smiling], then there'd better be an explanation. Putting in an author's note that says: "I decided to write the characters like I think they really are", is no excuse for butchering characters with set speaking patterns, reactions, and abilities. Buffy, while sometimes whiny and mildly annoying, is not evil. Draco is not nice [no matter how much you want him to be a product of a grossly abusive childhood], and Snape does not smile [with possible exceptions being made for evil smiles, all-knowing smirks, or the like]. In fan fiction the characters are already set up. The universe is already set up. If you, as an author, want to completely change a character's ways, do it to your *own* characters. The characters used in fan fiction are not ours to play God with. Stop trying.

And, finally, before someone out there rides my ass for being a bitch let me let you in on a couple of secrets:

1. I am a bitch. Deal the fuck with it.

2. I have considered, more than once, my own Harry Potter/Angel crossover in which Weasley was actually Percy in disguise because he was such a high target in the war that he had to go underground. So I know what I'm talking about when I start bitching about crossover ideas.

3. If you think I'm attacking your work personally, I am not. I am making a blanket complaint to all those fic writers who write the massive crossovers. However, if you feel at *all* like I'm talking about *your* fic, then take this whole thing into consideration and try and improve your writing.

4. If you're convinced that you're the one author out there with a Harry Potter/Charmed/Buffy crossover that is actually worth reading and you feel like sending it to me, be warned that I will not be kind at *all*. I will tear it to pieces, show its flaws, and post it under friends lock to be mocked by my flist.

Ta.

Comments

[snapes-gurl.livejournal.com]

That was awsome. I TOTALY agree with you on all of that.

There are no beta readers for bad cross overs. Why? BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE BUT THE AUTHORS WANTS TO READ THEM.

[writerpuppy.livejournal.com]

You realize some of us are going to look at this as a challenge, right? Not that I can write anything readable anyway, and I don't know enough about Charmed to write it at all, but just as soon as I'm done with Nano, you're going to get to eviscerate an HP/Buffy crossover.

And I will be grateful for the criticism.

[julianlee.livejournal.com]

Speaking of bad fic, you must, if you aren't already, become a devotee of babb_chronicles. To paraphrase the gang over at BSO, she reads crap so we don't have to. These are the funniest quotes from the worst fic the HP fandom has to offer. It's simply astounding. I don't recommend reading it at work. The sounds of your stifled guffaws will bring co-workers flocking to your desk, certain you're dying.